Adoption Journey #2

I will not lie, I never imagined I would be going through this journey for a second time in my life. It has been almost 5 years since I gave my daughter Grace up for adoption, and honestly I've healed a lot since then. I personally think that having an open adoption makes the experience easier to heal from and more enjoyable. I didn't initially decide on doing adoption again, in fact I was stubbornly deciding against it. I assumed because I was older and more mature, that I was finally ready to be a mom. This was not the case at all, I was nowhere near ready financially. Not to mention, I want my children to have a father. I believe that children should have a whole family, that doesn't mean that children without one don't strive. I did TONS of research on single parenting, and realized that even former President Obama was raised by a single mother!!!! So, kudos to all the single parents out there!!! I chose to adoption after contemplating the decision multiple times over the span of 2 weeks. I eventually had a mental break down and made that step to contact Adoption Network Law Center (ANLC). It was insane just how much I cried in the first couple months of this pregnancy, I was super worn out at this point. After I went on the ANLC website and chose the families I thought fit best with what I wanted for my child, I then contacted ANLC and gave them my personal information so that they could get a hold of me. Shortly after, I was contacted by them asking why I chose adoption and if this was my first time. At this point I just wanted to get the ball rolling and talk with my adoption adviser (Mary). I may have gotten a bit aggravated at this point haha (I blame it on the hormones). After this happened, I showed Carrie the profiles of the families I thought were the best candidates for my child and to my surprise we both chose the same family!!!! We chose a family that had such amazing characteristics/similarities to my lifestyle, that I would've been an idiot to pass them up!!!! Not only did they seek a life full of adventure, but they also shared an incredible love for God. Much greater than my own. Personally I could not imagine placing my sweet child with a family that did not believe in God or who were not Christians. God has had such a huge impact on my life since I was 15 years old. He (God) has become one of my top priorities in life, or at least I really try for Him to be. I have chosen to keep the adoptive family's name out of my blog and social media in general so that they can have their privacy throughout this whole process. I will admit, the hardest part through this process has been allowing myself to grow closer to the family. I don't really know any birthmother/birthfather that has said it was easy. Imagine being pregnant for 9 months and bonding with your baby only to give him/her to a family, with the slight chance you may or may not be able to see again... That is what I am constantly reminded of throughout this process, a lot of "what ifs".  A HUGE part of me has been dealing with an inner emotion of jealousy.I tend to get jealous at the simple fact that they can parent my child, and I am at a point where I cannot. It has totally been an internal battle for myself this entire adoption process, BUT I am getting stronger and learning to handle all these feelings without lashing out. The thing I do love about all these struggles is that I am becoming the best version of myself. How could I not?? I am forced to deal with things most people will hopefully never have to. Any who, I met the adoptive parents to be roughly 2 months ago and it went awesome!!!! They are more incredible in person and it just feels reassuring knowing how genuine they are, and also how badly they want to be parents. I spent some time getting to know them, learning about their goals for the future and their entire journey of trying to become a family. Honestly there have been a couple bumps in the road since the adoption process has begun, but without them I think I would've continued to struggle with my decision to do adoption. I use to struggle daily about wondering if I could be a mom, and just dealing with people telling (texting) me I am not trying hard enough. You'd be surprised how quickly people are to judge a situation they are unfamiliar with. Don't ever belittle a woman or man for choosing adoption, not everyone is ready to be a parent or even want to be one! I just am SO thankful for those who followed through with their pregnancies and didn't give up! (Not that I think abortion is giving up, just not the road for me) I have been so lucky to have such a GREAT support system through this time. I could not imagine having to deal with any of this alone. Huge shout out to the entire Friesen family for just being there through thick and thin, and not judging me on my low days (as there are lots of them) and for just being my strength when I am weak. If you do not have a support system, I hope you won't be afraid to reach out to other birthmoms/dads who have been through this process as well, it makes the world of difference. Now I am pretty much just playing the waiting game as my little one is due next month and still growing stronger each day. Did I mention I am having ANOTHER little girl??? The adoptive couple decided to name her Lincoln Waverly. I will admit I wasn't very fond of the name, but it is starting to grow on me.. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and accept things that cannot be changed. Cannot wait to share the rest of this process/journey with you all!!!!!