Pregnancy Numero Uno!!!

I found out I was pregnant the first time, when I was 19 years old. I had been living with a guy who was 10 years older than me, and who honestly just wasn't the best guy to be with. We met randomly one day in Grand Forks, North Dakota, and things just moved VERY quickly from there. He was originally from Idaho, but was working in North Dakota for the time being and staying in a motel across the street from me. I had met his coworker Cody who then introduced me to his brother. I then eventually met Daniel and we just clicked. We went through a lot of ups and downs... mostly downs sadly. At that time, I had pushed everyone close to me away (including family). I ruined my relationship with my parents, and I disrespected my godparents countless times. I was the worst version of myself. Daniel had gotten very controlling, I couldn't text anyone without him having to check my phone, I didn't have a job to go to during the day, and I couldn't even go hang out with my neighbor at the time Laura, without him assuming things. I eventually got so use to it, that I thought it was honestly normal. Ladies and Gentlemen.... that is NOT normal. A relationship is built on trust, and for some reason he did not trust me in any aspect of our life together. I eventually got to a point where I was VERY depressed. I sadly tried to overdose when he moved back into the motel across the street with his ex Heather. I was devastated, but thank the Lord I am still here today!!! God had another plan for me. Daniel ended up moving back in with me and things went back to the same terrible way they were. We ended up having a giant fight and I made him leave my apartment for good. I called my mom crying for financial help as rent was due the next day, but I knew that it was my only option or I would've ended up homeless. Thankfully God gave me a strong, kind hearted mom who helped me one last time. Not only was I close to being evicted, I had almost nothing in my apartment.... It was a very low, sad time for me. I found out later that week that I was pregnant, and I had no clue what I was going to do. I didn't even know what that meant for me, or what my options were. In my head all I could think about was how this was my way out, God heard my cries/pleas. I called my mom and told her I was pregnant... She was VERY disappointed in me. My godmom on the other hand (Carrie Friesen), was shocked of course, but she was there for me. Even through all the bull crap I put her through, and the hurt I caused her and her family, she was still there. That is when I started to do some research on my options. The first couple months I decided that abortion was the only way. I just knew I could not do it, and I of course didn't want Daniel's child. I tried many different things without going to a clinic. When it came to still being pregnant  though, I decided that I had to try something else. I went back on my phone and I searched more about adoption. I eventually found what I thought was a genuine nice family who wanted this baby, but little did I know, it was a scam. I didn't give up though, and that is when I found Adoption Network Law Center. I started chatting with one of the specialist on the website to make sure that they were legit and not a scam, and to my surprise they were very much a real agency!!!! That is when my adoption advisor (Ellen Edman) contacted me, and I told her more about my living situation and my pregnancy story. Everything from this point moved very quickly! I was given gift cards for groceries which now could feed myself and of course Oreo! I was more than happy as I was struggling majorly financially. Also, emotionally I started to see the light at the end of what seemed like a very dark tunnel. At around 5 months I made the decision to move to California, so I packed up myself and Oreo and we made the trek. Little did I know, my life was about to change in a great way!!! My time in California was great, not only did I have a better/happier life, I also got close to my daughters adoptive family (Paul and Susan). They flew out every now and then to spoil Oreo and I. They even let me help name my daughter! We named her Grace Louise, because we all believed that she was our gift from God. Grace changed not only my life, but theirs forever! When it came to the delivery day, I just knew that this was Gods plan. Everything went so smoothly (emotionally), but that does not mean it wasn't hard. I was able to bond with my Grace, and watch how Susan interacted with her... It was beautiful. The hardest part was saying goodbye. I held Grace in my arms as I sat in a chair bawling my eyes out. My godmom (Carrie) was in the room with me for support, but hidden so I had my privacy to say goodbye. Seeing Carrie cry as she said her goodbyes to Grace was hard for me to see. At that moment I realized just how much she loved me and cared for me, and how she allowed herself to love Grace as her own grandchild. If it wasn't for her, I would not have been able to go through with this entire process. She was my back bone through it all. 

Now Grace Louise is almost 5 years old!!!!! She has turned into such a sweet little girl, who has the brightest future ahead of her. I have seen her multiple times since the day I gave her up. I have such an amazing bond and relationship (thanks be to God) with Susan and Paul and their children. Because of this open adoption, I have been blessed with yet another family who has taken me in as their own. It is amazing how God can turn our darkest time in our lives, to be our brightest. 

I hope my story about my first pregnancy/adoption was able to speak to at least one of you reading this. Don't be ashamed because your story is different than someone else's.