How Adoption Works.

For anyone curious about how the adoption process works, keep reading this blog post. There are multiple different types of adoption: open, closed, and private. Let's kind of dive in to each specific type of adoption.


The exact definition of an open adoption is " a form of adoption in which the biological and adoptive families have access to varying degrees of each other's personal information and have an option of contact". The awesome thing about an open adoption is that there are MANY ways to go about it. With my first adoption, I chose for it to be very open. Meaning, I can visit my daughter once a year in California, I receive pictures, the family and I send texts, phone calls, video chats, and emails. Most birth parents are not able to have this "open" of an adoption because it can get very hard and sometimes jealousy can get the best of you. In my case, I've found it easier because I can see my daughter grow up. Not to mention, I have an awesome bond with her adoptive family as well. With my second adoption, unfortunately it is not as open. It is completely up to my daughter (Lincoln) whether she would like to see me or not, that is very difficult for me to grasp emotionally. I absolutely hate the unknown, but at the same time I need to learn to trust God's plan. The adoptive couple and I have a "communication agreement" which basically states the minimum that is expected from the adoptive couple as well as myself. If one or both parties do not follow through, then we can get in trouble with the court. It is definitely reassuring to have certain things set in stone after the adoption is finalized. The adoptive couple has asked me to write a handwritten letter to my daughter as to why I chose adoption and why I chose them as the adoptive family. I was also asked to send updates of my life, as well as photos of myself. The adoptive parents are to send pictures and updates of my daughter every couple months or so. If Lincoln decides she does not want to meet me, then at least I will have the opportunity to watch her grow up through pictures and videos! That is a blessing in itself.

Now the exact definition of a closed adoption is, "also called "confidential" adoption and sometimes "secret" adoption, is a process by which an infant is adopted by another family, and the record of the biological parent(s) is kept sealed. Often, the biological father is not recorded—even on the original birth certificate." From what I have heard, this can be both easier and more difficult. I have personally gotten to know birth mothers who have chosen a closed adoption and found they could move on with their lives easier. From my personal experience, I was adopted as a baby into a closed adoption. I unfortunately had MANY problems accepting my "situation". I started to feel like I was unloved and given up because I wasn't important enough. I started to genuinely believe that my birth mom did not care and that my adoptive parents didn't love me as much. This was totally not the case, my birth mother loved me sooo much that she specifically chose a family who could better care for my needs. The only hard part about being a child of a closed adoption though, is that finding your birth parents is a chore and ridiculously hard/time consuming. When I went looking for my birth parents I decided to google her with what little information I DID know. Nothing really came up. Not to mention, you have to pay for most personal information you want to receive on the internet. BUT I ended up having an awesome idea, I used Facebook to share my story!!!! I went on the Indiana news page and my story ended up getting thousands of shares. Eventually my birth moms sister (I believe) told Janet (my birth mom) that someone with similar information to her "daughter" was looking for their birth mother. After a day or so she got a hold of me and sent me these messages. I, of course, had to attach!!!!

After this happened we talked for a couple days and it went surprisingly great!!! I found out a bit more about my background and sadly found out that my birth father ended his life through suicide when I was 3 years old. That is the part about closed adoption that frustrates me the most.  I will NEVER ever know who he was or what he even looked like. I don't think any child should have to go through that because your background and your birth parents make you who you are (physically and mentally). Janet and I talked about our live's the last 20 + years and what we had been through. She seemed super excited and content with talking to me, until one day she blocked me on everything and wouldn't respond to my texts. I'm still frustrated with myself that I forgot to save her number, so I am unable to even have the option to message her anymore. This actually hurt me a lot more than I let on. When all of this happened, I kept wondering what I did and why she didn't want to get to know me. This brought up feelings of abandonment and just feeling unloved. I have thankfully gotten over it now, but it still pops up in my mind every now and then. How could it not???


With a private adoption, the definition for is "refers to any adoption that is not arranged by a public agency. ... The fees and expenses prospective adoptive parents can pay, and who they pay them to." I honestly just learned something new. I always assumed a private adoption meant that both parties were never in contact, and no pictures or personal information were to be exchanged. I believed that it was "secretive", but now I know for sure that it is referring to the specific type of way that it is done. I don't really have any experience regarding this specific type of adoption but if anyone reading this does, be sure to comment and share your story!!!!


Always remember!!!! No matter which form of adoption you have chosen or end up choosing, you still have that precious time with your child in the hospital. That is ALWAYS 100% up to you how you want it to pan out. I've had birth mothers (friends) who have given their child up before even meeting him/her, and I have known some that spend only 5-10 minutes with their baby before handing him/her over. If we are being honest, some birth mothers decide to take their child home with them at the end of their hospital stay. You do NOT have to give your baby up if you do not want to or until you terminate your rights. I personally took full advantage of my time in the hospital the first time and plan to do the same thing again. Thankfully recovery for a c section takes a bit longer than a natural birth, so I got that extra day or two. I spent a majority of the time bonding with my first daughter Grace and I cherished every single moment of it. There isn't a day that I regret that decision, and I will be doing the exact same thing for my second daughter as well!!!!! If you think about it, it is an experience you and your child will have together in your hearts forever. The adoptive couple won't ever have that exact moment, so why not cherish it???? Hopefully my opinions don't offend anyone, I just believe in taking advantage of everything life offers you!