5/27/2017

I unfortunately do not have a special title for this blog post as it won't be covering anything specific, it will in face be quite random. To update everyone that cares, I will be in Fargo, North Dakota until the beginning of July. I decided to come back early from Winkler, Manitoba as there is just more for Oreo and I to do here. It definitely gets lonely as I do not have many genuine friends here, but Oreo and I tend to do our own thing anyways! 

The evening before I came back to Fargo I had attended a worship service with Carrie at her church, and to say the least it was awesome!!!! I don't tend to go to church when I am there as I am just not a morning person (which is no excuse), but I got super excited that there was a service that evening. I went into the worship service knowing I was highly vulnerable emotionally and knew there was a chance that I would cry. I personally didn't think it was actually going to happen, but Carrie did haha. I ended up being able to really relate to what the pastor was talking about before the worship service began. After he spoke I started to self reflect and began praying in my head about numerous things. I prayed to God to fill my heart, soul and mind with His love so that I could be a leader/example to others in my life, and I asked Him to just use/mold me into the woman I am meant to be. Lately I've been getting frustrated because the better of a person I become, the more I realize I need to change about myself. It isn't in a bad way, just I want to be the best version of myself. After I said this prayer, the song "Great Are You Lord" started playing. At this point I had opened my heart to God and I began to feel God's presence so strongly (so could everyone around me) it was obvious!!!! At that moment I was truly overpowered with this feeling of clarity and just a release of heaviness in my heart. And of course, I cried. Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely hate to cry, but thankfully church is the one place I allow myself to let ALL my guards down. I believe that God knows that and uses that to shape me into the woman I want to become. I felt VERY relieved after the service because at that moment I knew God heard me and He even showed me physically that He was present. I guess you could say that I left Winkler (home) feeling refreshed and thankful for the relationship that I have with God (my heavenly Father). I am one of those Christians that have been blessed with MANY hands on experiences with God. I would be very dumb to not believe in Him, and I would love love love to share my experiences with everyone else as well!!!!

Now that I am back in Fargo I have been feeling a bit discouraged. I have come to realize how little amount of friends I have here that I can hang out with. I always say that actions speak louder than words. For those that have shown me that we have a friendship and that they care, THANK YOU!!!! It means a lot to me, probably more than you will ever know.  Being pregnant by yourself is never an easy thing, not to mention losing a majority of the "friends" you had before. But I am managing, I've learned to make myself happy. I think too many people these days rely on others to be happy, that will never work as many are selfish, including myself. I will admit though that some of the friendships that fell apart were totally my own doing because I tend to jump to conclusions and assume the worst in situations. SOOOO, I am sorry to anyone that I did hurt or get frustrated with, I hope you can forgive me. 

Oreo and I have been keeping busy by going to different parks and also seeing our dog friends/owners at the dog parks here in Fargo. We have definitely been blessed with this awesome May weather as we spend most of our time outside!!! This morning I woke up abnormally early (5:30 am) and did some more research so that Oreo and I could enjoy Fargo even more, and to my surprise I found lots of fun things to do! I am feeling a bit more hopeful for the next 30 something days I have left in this pregnancy and adoption journey. June 29th (my due date) is not very far away and everything seems to be coming together.  At this point I need to get right with myself so that I am able to be strong during the hardest part of my pregnancy journey/adoption process. I will write a blog or two more before June 29th, so do not worry!!!