Keeping A Baby After Adoption.

In my life I have placed two babies for adoption. I placed my first baby (Grace) in October of 2012, and my second (Lincoln) I placed in July of 2017. Now, I am due October 19th with my 3rd baby (Skye) who I have decided to keep.

Making the decision to keep Skye was not easy for me at all. I didn't want my first two girls to think that I didn't want them, because that was far from the truth. I placed them for adoption because at that time I knew they deserved more than I could give them. The reason I chose to keep this baby and not my other two is because I am in a completely different place in life. My life has definitely changed for the better since I had my first daughter, and I truly believe I am in a better head space now than I was even a year or two ago. During those times I did not have the support of a "baby daddy" for either of my two daughters. This time my daughter and I have that. Not only does my daughter have a father but she also has family on both sides who already love her SO much. That alone was something that was very important to me. Most people assume that my decision to place my first two daughters was because I was selfish when that wasn't the case at all. 

Am I excited that I am going to be a mom next week? YES, of course. But that does not mean that I do not think about what I could've done differently with my first two daughters, especially the one I placed just last year. Throughout this pregnancy I have dealt with a lot of inner battles that I normally do not talk about. What people tend to assume about adoption is that "it's the easy way out" when it is far from it. It is one of the hardest things I've been through in my life, that's saying something because I've been through quite a lot. Carrying a baby for 9 months, giving birth and then placing them in the arms of another family is VERY hard. During this pregnancy I've been struggling with not letting those painful memories effect how I bond with this baby. Unfortunately I have had some really tough days, especially the closer I get to my c section. Now, this doesn't mean that I haven't been enjoying this pregnancy cause I honestly have in a lot of ways. It's super fun having people around me that are just as excited to meet her as I am. 

And now the countdown begins!!!! 7 days until I get to meet my baby girl!!!