Over the last 2 weeks the really only thing that has been happening regarding the adoption is that I've been completing a ton of paperwork. I have also had to sign my rights away for the court hearing on July 3rd, as well as fill out personal information for my social worker, adoption lawyer and the adoptive family. Now we pretty much just have to wait until the little one is born to fill out more paper work and sign more forms. I am definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed with whats to come. I also know that attending the hearing the day after I get out of the hospital will be very hard and emotional.
As far as things with the adoptive family, they are honestly going pretty good. I was worried about how the rest of the adoption journey would go since we had some "minor" bumps in the road, but thankfully we've all decided to move forward together. I have gotten over my fear of allowing myself to get close to them and have given my complete trust to God in this entire situation. I have been emailing, texting and sending pictures/videos throughout the last couple weeks, and it is going well!! The reason I say that I have gotten over my fear of allowing myself to get close is because I am the type of person who would rather protect and guard my heart than going out of my comfort zone. As you know from my previous blog posts this adoption is open, but unfortunately it is up to my daughter to choose whether she wants to meet me again when she is older. So of course as any woman would be about her child, she gets closed off and protective. I acted this way for a majority of this adoption process and I don't think it helped the situation. I've come to realize that in order for me to see my daughter again, she needs to hear good things from her adoptive parents. Sometimes you just have to let that fear go and let God take control. And damn does it feel way better!!! 😍
I have my scheduled C section in 14 days at the crack of dawn. I am soooo beyond ready to get this ball rolling!!! It is definitely bittersweet. As much as I want my body and life back, I know that once she is born my time with her is limited. In the hospital I will spend a majority of my time with her and when she is not with me she will be with Carrie or anyone who comes to visit. (meaning family, unless I've texted you about coming to visit) The adoptive family will most likely get to see her once the little one and I have settled in. I am still very unsure about this whole process as it is very different then the first time, but Carrie and I are thankfully on the same page. God definitely has a funny way of working, so I am keeping an open mind to most everything regarding the adoption and my time with Lincoln.
Other than what I've shared nothing else is really new. I am trying to prepare myself for the physical and emotional healing part of this journey, but not much I can do right now. Come July I will be heading back to Canada and spending the month there before I return to work. I just pray that I am able to stay positive so I can really keep my life on track and move forward instead of backwards.
If anyone ever has any questions or comments, feel free to send me an email at : kjuckniess10@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment