4 Days, 15 Hours and 39 Minutes!

I totally have my alarm app set on my phone that tells me EXACTLY when it is time to be up for delivery day! For anyone wondering, I have to be up at 4:30 am.... YIKESSSS! I am not a morning person at all, never have been and never will be, but I doubt I will be getting much sleep the night before.

I cannot believe I made it, it does not feel real. I've been dreaming of this day for months, not because I absolutely hate being pregnant, but emotionally it is just draining. As a birth mom it is bittersweet, you get excited to have your body and life back, but you are so sad that it is almost time to say goodbye. I am just proud of myself for making it through and enduring all the bumps and dead ends throughout the journey. I don't even recognize the woman I was 9 months ago, THAT is how much pregnancy and adoption has changed me.

For those wondering about life after all this, well... I am not entirely sure what I will be doing, but I have some goals in mind. To start off, I will be spending the "grieving process" in Canada with my family, then Oreo and I will take a little road trip to see our best friends Laura and Lopez in Bismark for a weekend. I will be heading back to the salon August 1st (Mastercuts in West Acres) and am I excited to work again!!!! I finally have a financial plan to get me back on the right track… about damn time too. I am hoping to eventually move on up in the salon world and I am thankful that there are both Mastercuts and Regis salons all over the United States, so yes I hope for a big move/change on the horizon. Don't ask me where yet, no freaking clue.

I think it is super positive to have small and big goals to keep myself motivated and to help me be the best person I can be.  I wish I had made goals for myself earlier because without them I went down a dark path of partying and hanging out with the wrong crowd. A huge goal for me on top of all this would be attending school for Equine Management, but I don't want to do this until I am more financially stable, and have gotten some more hours of riding under my belt. 

As far as everything about the process coming up, I am feeling so done. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Even just thinking about what is left to do is overwhelming me. I have found that I am getting very irritable with everyone.  I think it is because I am guarding my heart. As all moms know, I am bonding with my daughter, and then I have to say goodbye just 3 or 4 days later.  This is brutal. It honestly feels like I have lost someone VERY close to me. I don't wish this experience upon anyone, but at the same time it is such a special moment and gift. To think that I am going to bless two people with the chance to be a family is pretty darn cool! I turned such a negative situation and time in my life, into something far greater.